The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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