Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
