I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
