who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
its liver damage thursday
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
