a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can i not drive my cunt home
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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