You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
