Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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