so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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