I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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