Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
