i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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