my sisters under your porch take her home
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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