worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
