talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
