Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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