I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
