I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
