Your face is a jimmy john
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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