For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
