Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
