i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
