Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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