Just fell off a train. Bad.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
