Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
