hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
