I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
