is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
