We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
