dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
