I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
