It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
