I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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