What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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