my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
