I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
