my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
