Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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