I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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