I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we're making bets on your personal life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
