if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
two words...techno handjob
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
