he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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