so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
