I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize