I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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