my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
