Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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