what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
