i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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