I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I deserve this hangover.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
