i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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