Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
