nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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