we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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