I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
