DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
