he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
