just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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