so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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