He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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