It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my poor anus
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
