he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
