Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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