He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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