I must be too annoying 4 u.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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