I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize