Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and she was petting her beer can
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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