I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
