So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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