Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
