All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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