Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
