hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
