i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
