I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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