I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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