i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
